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A lot Has Changed in My Life

A lot Has Changed in My Life

I'm just done reading "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.

This book made me realize that I'm not alone in this world, at all. For almost forever this book keeps me companion, comforted, and help me to face my problems with alcohol. My abuse of liquor was not just "hereditary inclination" or me having no self control.....my utilization of liquor to comfort and maintain me originates from many issues throughout my life. Life was too harsh for me, specifically the part of growing up - I was unpopular at my age, my dad was a serial cheater, even my mother had low self esteem issue because she was overweight at that time, I got no one to look after me except myself. My life eventually made me an independent person.


It was really odd that I never drank when I was in high school And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. And so started my way into binge drinking and consequent bad character - beginning from black outs, to dreadful hangovers to unfitting sexual practices.


With a feeling of being obese the only way I knew I could engage in anything sexual with boys under the influence of alcohol was to loosen up by taking alcohol.


I arouse one morning, naked in bed with some guy in a frat home in Montreal'.. I look back and it is really a miracle I didn't get badly harmed, land up in an infirmary or drunk tank or pregnant.


Life moved on - I became a licensed nurse, got a masters degree and dated a lovely guy. We took wine on weekends when we were with each other and sometimes during the week I would buy myself a drink.

Fast forward...marriage, .two conceptions, both during which I totally abstained, and never missed it. But then as life goes on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed workaholic husband with infuriation problems.....wine on weekends turned into wine Thursday-Sunday.


My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.

When I return home - and face the family mess, getting dinner, attempting to get ADHD kid to concentrate on homework while prying the other erratic of his iPod.....I can just consider blending that drink....which I continue refilling until in the long run I nod off or go out. In the mornings, first thing I carry out is examine my I-phone to observe whom I may have unknowingly texted while drunk.


Be that as it may, there is more - two years prior I got to be distinctly required in an extremely serious enthusiastic issue with one of my child's companion's fathers. Luckily although I was in a very intense emotional affair with him, it never got physical, maybe a few hugs or being close with him occasionally at sport events, maybe you know the feels because I felt it was romantic, very intense and impacted my life drastically, but still luckily it never got physical I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.


I was elated than I had ever been. The affair was getting dangerously near to crossing over the sexual line and he retreated. I have been ravaged and mourning this loss'.and the drinking heightened.

My alcoholic beverage comforted me they alleviated the pain.

Every time I look back over my life, I feel so ashamed myself and to people around me. Series of my drunken journey:

  • Getting completely pounded last Christmas at a mixed drink party
  • Blind drunk at my sister's 50th birthday
  • Yelling on the phone
  • Creating a scene in the presence of my children.
  • I threw punches at my husband's face so often
  • When my son had a friend sleeping over I had a total scream and shout fight, but it only happened once.

I am in advising which has been an epiphany.....plus perusing Ann's book and now finding this site and perusing comparable stories. I feel like I am returning back home.